Funny things in My Email

Sorry it’s been so long since I blogged last but I thought I had run out of things to share. After surgery to blast a kidney stone, I went to my family doctor and he’s always after me to loss a little weight so I said to him I lost a “stone”.   Not to miss a beat he said “Oh you mean about 16 lbs?”  to the doc in training beside him.

When I was a teacher in Onoway with two other punsters (one who makes a play on a word), the students would laugh, then groan and be mad at themselves for having laughed at the pun.  I use to say my PUn ‘s were 2/3 funny, and that I was a CARD who should be dealt with but that wasn’t possible as I was so sharp since I lived on the edge of town.  One kid who sat at the back of the classroom piped up don’t give up your day job (to be a comedian).

Here are a few puns E-mailed to me from my brother-in-law:

PUNS

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

4. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head..’

11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

12. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

13. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The other day in my E-mail I got a picture of my Aunt Irene who is 97 riding on a camel at a fair in Ontario. I am proud of her but in a way it is funny.  She is braver than most.

Aunt Irene

Spring has Sprung

Finally the snow is melting and is almost gone from the front yard. There is the usual large puddle of water collecting on the road behind my garage.  One year we called it, Lake Hillacre because it got so big before it could run away. The green grass and dirt clods are showing in the back yard.   We have used the barbeque already.

I took some skywatch pictures on Thursday  evening after super and the sky was so dark . Yes,  it was our our first thunder and lighting storm — spring had really sprung!! No it’s not winter any more here it’s really finally spring about 10 days later than usual for us but it it rained and we had day time temperature of 16 degree C.  By this time I normally have my front lawn rotata-raked and in about 11 days I would some years have some potatoes planted-not to likely this year though. The pictures are of the sun setting and the approaching thunder storm just before sunset.  For other pictures go to Skywatch at  http//skyley.blogspot.com/

kids will be Kids

The other day I was substitute teaching in this physics 20 class.  The class had a 45 minute computer assignment on the Internet to do a physics lab experiment on line.  Well as you know not everyone works at the same pace and or is always on task.  These three girls in the Catholic high school finished early so were exploring other physic experiments.  One discovered this experiment in which  a cannon would shoot an object skyward (pumpkin, golf  ball, Buick car or even a person) and the student controlled the initial velocity, mass and the angle of the shot taken and  he/she tried to hit a target down range. ( see diagram 1) Of course beside the target the target was this guy standing nearby and being students they would obviously try to hit him instead of the bulls-eye on the ground further down range.  When  they managed to successful hit the guy they discovered it to be the statue of David because his short pants went flying off onto the ground revealing him to be wearing a leaf covering the critical area.  Each time they reset the diagram and hit the guy, he would drop his drawers  for them revealing his true identity.  The girl giggled and told her friend who quickly went to the site to try it for herself.  First the girl on her left tried it, then the girl on her right!  Soon they they all giggled together.  Physics was more fun than usual that day thanks to ‘David’.(Google PHET physics simulations to try this for yourself.)

Well, I had a good view when I look skyward this Thursday evening after taking my wife, Kathy out for her birthday supper.  One of her favorite restaurants was on the parking lot of the local Rona Lumber store.  Just as we were coming out the sun was peeking out below the dark snow clouds just above the store marquee.  Later as we drove home the sun nestled into a bed of  evening after glow clouds as the worker from the surrounding electrical plants blaze their way home as I headed home I caught the reflection of both on the hood of my car.  For other pictures go to Skywatch at  http//skyley.blogspot.com/

Enjoy Life Now

I’ll be happy when…

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are. After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire.

The truth is there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with….. and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer..
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy.  Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching,

If you want to brighten someone’s day, pass this on to someone special.

I just did!

jbt

My niece sent me this. I thought it was so cute and  that it had a good message for us all. You are welcome to copy and paste so you can pass it on. Have a good day!

Crispy Cold Covers

I got up early Friday pre-dawn in order to capture the sunrise.  It was -28 Celsius out so I was hoping my camera would work and that my fingers would not freeze up.  I took a few pre-sunrise shots when I started to realize the houses looked like beds covered with a deep crispy cold covering of snow to keep them warm.  Just as if mother nature had tucked them in leaving only the chimney for the house to breathe life through.  Most seemed to be breathing rapidly while others more deeply.  My roof too as you can see by the shoot I took skyward has about 30 centimeters of snow covering. (That’s about a foot if not Canadian.)  The photo taken taken down the lane with the light reflecting back from the rear of a parked trailer is quite nice.  Hope you are keeping warm if you have winter and cool if you have summer. But covers at night always seem right to me even if they are crispy cold covers for houses.  For other pictures go to Skywatch at  http//skyley.blogspot.com/

Funny Sunset Shot

I was out taking some shots for this weeks Skywatch Friday as I did not want my wife to outdo me with her strange chimney- shaped white cloud.  You can see Kathy’s Skywatch chimney cloud  and other pictures on Skywatch at  http//skyley.blogspot.com/.  So when our local T.V. station said there was a beautiful sunset tonight I grabbed the camera and leaped out the front door  to see what I could capture. The first one was a bit over-exposed.  The light was growing dimmer, I shot one of the pink glowing clouds and then one of the orange portion of the skyline.  Then I made a dash to the back of the house to see other angles I could get.  I downloaded them but my wife commented on the beautiful colors still hanging on the western sky line so I donned my shoes with only my camera , and no coat I tried again.  But by now I had lost most of my light.  One pic was under exposed with only two red tail light(not published)  showing  a car driving away down a lane way.  However  by sheer kismet the other was a work of art.   Two cars passed each other at the precise moment that I snapped the sunset.  The photo show one headlight and one taillight almost as if they belonged to the same car.  The exhaust from the closer car or else my breathe was lite up by the flash to make it look like a fog.  A bite of the original sunset and some trees can be deciphered in the darkening background across the street and a street light post. (I don’t know if you can see that in the big picture below or not.)  That’s what I call an accidental Skywatch sunset shot– not just a cloud of smoke or a slight of hand.  It almost as  likely of a happening as trying to get two nuclear submarine to unknowing  collide in the North Atlantic, or two space craft  crash into one another in near space from two different countries.  But let’s not get too political.  Things just happen as you all know!  Alberta was almost hit by space debre but was missed at the last few moments( by about a province ) as  the ten tons of junk  landed in the Pacific Ocean.  Texas had it’s Skywatch, a fire ball of some sort this week too!  Maybe some Skywatchers will have captured it for us.  Any way have a good Friday and enjoy taking those pictures.

Do you see the two cars passing each other in front of the setting sun on that semi-foggy evening or is my imagination playing tricks with me?  What do you say Dr. Fraud or is it Dr. Spook.  Any way I think the picture need to be seen and it struck me as a “funny sunset shot”!

Hardly Working Or Working Hardly

When this new semester started this February  the students had  only 20 possible classroom days ( 4 x 5 = 20).  But of course our government has declared a “Family Day” holiday for the second Monday,  the 16 th,  that is one less day.  Teachers’ Convention took 2 more days out of this month so now we are down by 3 days.  The teacher’s also get a Professional Development day on the last Friday of every  month that one more day so  4 days lost.   Seems like classes just get started  when a holiday interrupts the flow.   I remember being asked when I was working  as a joke  whether “I was working hard or hardly working?”  A parent expressed the same idea to me the other night when she dropped of her daughter for tutoring and we realized she hadn’t covered that much material despite the fact it was the 10 th of Feb.  So we agreed to cancel the session until she had cover  more of the course material.

Normally in the first semester I get the more academic math students so they don’t often start coming until later for various reasons mostly the spirit of they can do this myselves,  they are hiding the fact they need help, or they are not willing to admit  the need as early.  Whereas non-academics are more parent dependent and are more willing to accept the help sooner in the semester probably they have a history of needing extra help at  earlier levels.  Also they are not too proud too accept the extra help.

The human spirit and tutoring regardless of the amount of time spent together must be nurtured so the student feels comfortable in the learning environment.  Once a repore has been established the two of you can get down too the business of learning the mathematics at whatever level he/she is at.   After you have broken the ice and helped with some of the math of the day you gradually have to go deeper to find out the source of the problem in the local area and course and or background adjusting concepts as you go or setting times for revisiting topics that will take more time trying to prevent further current failing while doing background repairs.   All the while building the self-confidence as the student feels better about their math ability and performance in class.  Hopefully by semester’s end together you can look back and say it was a job well done.  But long before that you can tell whether things are going well or not.

It’s almost like looking at the sunset at the end of the day and reflecting on the hard days work.  Yes! It  has been worthwhile!  Enjoy the sunset from out front by my mail boxes and for other pictures see Skywatch at  http//skyley.blogspot.com/ .

Ground Hog Daze

I don’t know the history behind checking with a ground hog to see if he sees his shadow or not but if some one wakes me up from a deep sleep and puts me outside to see if it going be an early spring or not they are going to see my back side as I climb back into my burrow as fast as my little legs will carry me.  Never mind bothering me to give some dude the ‘sky watch report’. Oh yeah! I too might have a mind to bite my handler in my hurry to get out of the bright sunlight on my way to get back in my hole under ground.  I don’t see what has been so bad about this past winter at least around here.  We have no long cold spells with only a minimal amount of gentle snow.  No good old fashioned blizzard 3 days gone by, with snow up over the phone wires along side the road ways.  No 30 days straight of below 30 degrees Celsius.

My two ground hog cousin from around New York State gave conflicting report while living only 90 miles apart.  A reliable science or cousin Phil had a bit too much too drink that night. “Heh! Heh! or should I say, “Chuckle! Chuckle!”  Could it be that they are both right?  Weather can be quite unpredictable they say! “What ‘s that you say Phil? “ “Just One off That is one of your bad days! You had better daze!” Okay enough already!.

Any way I went outside this morning as the sun was getting up and took a couple of pictures for Skywatch Friday. Even though the sun was getting up I don’t believe I could see my shadow. Anyway have a good day, Friday and enjoy more pictures see Skywatch at http//skyley.blogspot.com/

Lovely Little Nooks & Nesting Things

A friend of mine was making room in their home for a computer desk so they did not have any further need for the second hand roll top desk that she had refurbished.  Kathy’s sister found out they were taking it out to the dump.  You know how it is when you think everyone nowadays wants a computer desk who would want an old roll top desk just similar to the one my dad use to own.  (But I did not get it because by some bad luck of the draw my brother got first dibs on it and of course he took it when we divided up the estate.)   My wife did not want me to put the roll top in my office where I tutor because she thought it would be too crowded and ‘eat up all the oxygen in the room’.  I said, let’s give it a try for a while and see if it grows on us.  Sometimes we just don’t like to change the way things are especially if they are working reasonably well.  I also ask her about putting the desk calendar from on the wall beside the door as thy come in to placing it on the desk surface as it is a desk calendar.  (Easier to write on, and won’t be falling down all the time but conversely it may get buried with clutter if I’m not careful.)   The two main chairs in the room are on rollers on a sturdy piece of carpet that fits under the roll top desk , an L-shaped computer work station I had custom design a number of years ago. A two-leaf folding table with double lamps as shown in the other photo is where the actual tutoring takes place. A collapsible third chair is pushed under the desk for the parent or a second student if 2 should come at one time for a joint session .  That’s enough about the ergonomics of the office.   I love the working atmosphere in my office.  The office is a good room to spend time away by myself to get some reading done, or a puzzle, or just do something interesting on the computer.  I listen to an audio tape, on line, of the N. L. T. Version of the Bible while following along in my Bible. Of course I love to Blog and follow the Skywatch pictures every Friday. Speaking on things changing my first camera was a box shaped an a Brownie and it only took black and whites.  Now I use a Kodax digital and it has the picture ready to down load immediately no waiting not even a minute or so for it to develop.

For more pictures see Skywatch at  http//skyley.blogspot.com/

True Confessions & Bill Cosby

This sounds like the title for a Harlequin hot romance or a true confessional as revealed by a parishioner to a priest but its not either of those.  Only a secret of a shy young farm boy who wanted to help others over come obstacles to learning and learn how to learn.  Who better than a person than a person who is an over-comer themselves?   What has all this got to do with Bill Cosby, the doctor of comedy?

He wrote a New York Times Bestseller called Cosbyology, a collection of essays and observations by Bill Cosby.  If you haven’t read this book or  can’t read very well as I could not do  when I left high school ( I have dyslexia – ex. I reverse digits  and phrases.) I took a special course in learning how to read at teachers college.  Incidentally good career choices for people with dyslexia ,are architecture, psychology, teaching, music, photography, engineering and interior design (area require good math skills). In one of his essays Bill writes that he was never any good at geometry, or biology. He graduated as a  Physical  Ed. teacher and a funny thing happened to him on his first school assignment he was  placed to teach you guessed it geometry  and his mentor was his old geometry nemeses teacher Mr S.

Any way the book reveals may funny antedotes from Bill Cosby live as he grows up and goes from rags to  riches and fame, from being single to married, from being a play loving boy to a working young and then retired older man.  By the way I die not know that the lone Ranger’s nick name , kemosabe means ” He who knows nothing” because Tonto name translates as, “Stupid”. And on that note The lone Ranger who was orginally on radio to tell the listening audience he and his horse were departing the scene would say,”Hi! Ho! Silver Away!”  (Sound of Hoof beats fading off into the distance).   Many people have this learning disability between 5-10 % of the poplation need love and extra help in learning to read and do som of the basic math skills (which they can often hide because they are extremely sharp right brained often) and many famous people have this disability.